I don’t normally do this.
I
‘m the sort of person who regards film posters and trailers as spoilers. I won’t even read the back of a box set to find out what I’m supposed to be watching next.
But I need to give away what happens in this film just to fully explain exactly why I was so unhappy with it.
:: Here be spoilers ::
The Kids Are All Right is a bit like //www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx5Wpqf4-OM
target=”_blank”>Rachel Greene’s trifle: Soundtrack, good. Actors, good. Cinematography, good. But what the hell is the story with that plot?
I have to declare that I’m in TheLesbianMafia’s camp on this one. To be fair, I do think there are potentially two good stories that could have been told in this film: one about a difficult time in a relationship between two women, and one about their kids finding their sperm donor. And in fact, I really did want to like this film. But it’s like this: picture each plot as a piece of playdough, one blue, one orange; and imagine that a five year old child has just smushed them together until all that’s left is one semi-solid brown lump. I don’t know who is responsible for this, the writers or the studio, but it’s baffling.
The actors are good, as I have said. Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland) and Josh Hutcherson are excellent as the eponymous kids, negotiating their way through adolescence and the messes created by the adults around them. Mark Ruffalo (Shutter Island) is the unsuspecting, self-satisfied, faux-hippie sperm donor. (Although, I do think that Mark Ruffalo plays the same mumbling character each time I see him on screen. Sorry, dude, that’s just how I feel.) Julianne Moore (A Single Man) is the also hippie-ish, flighty mom.
Of course, the standout performace was by Annette Bening as the overly certain, safe, slightly controlling, slightly boozy mom. She was so magnificent, it cannot be described in the English language. Alors, voici un cliché – tour de force! – mais, oui. Can someone please edit all her scenes together and pop it on YouTube? Ta.
But what are these shenanigans they are being asked to portray? All of a sudden, Moore’s character – a monogamous lesbian and parent of two children – just cannot resist the sperm donor’s – well – sperm donor. There’s even a whoop of excitement when her character unzips his fly in the scene portraying the first of their trysts.
I’m sorry, if I want “Muff muncher loves hot cock!” there’s this place called the internet where I can find thousands – nay, millions – of straight man porn sites already depicting this nonsense. It’s not consistent with her character, nor are the subsequent events consistent with Bening’s character. Nor is this in any way a reprisal of Moore’s character in The Hours (not that it’s intended to be, but:) – in that film’s one scene with Toni Colette is conveyed so much about the character, the film’s plot, everything. But in The Kids Are All Right, scene after scene of lesbot getting a rodgering fails to convince.
The kids are all right, but the plot is all wrong. Which is a shame.
- Pro: Annette Bening. Utterly fabulous.
- Con: All lesbians need, really, is to be bonked by a bloke. What century is this?